Not actually crying about the trees

Mid-cycle between Samhain and winter solstice

Hi friends,

As part of my paid membership offering, I send posts mid cycle in between the live circles we share every 6 weeks.

My aim with these posts is that they remind you of what we explored in our last circle in terms of themes and intentions and give you a moment to pause and connect to the cycles around you, as is my hope for our live sessions. (If you haven’t caught up with the last circle yet, paid subscribers can watch the replay here). Our next circle - looking ahead to the winter solstice - is on Tuesday 10 December.

I’d also love these posts to become a touch-point between us in between our online sessions. I’m imagining some words left in the comments a little like words put out into our sharing circle, where they are simply received, without judgement or advice or any fear of you ok hun? (!!) It could be short or longer, detailed and clear or nuanced and cryptic, anything goes. Once you’ve read this post see if you feel moved to share, I’d love to see your words below mine.

If you haven’t downloaded the Substack app, you might consider doing so, as it makes it really easy to heart or comment. You can also do this by clicking on the email in your inbox and opening Substack in your browser.

I’m really looking forward to reading your comments and/or seeing you at our next circle together.

Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

All Fours replay

I loved the second live conversation I had with

Layla O'Mara

,

Caro Giles

and

Lindsay Johnstone

on Friday night. This was the second chat that came off the back of our shared love of Miranda July’s novel All Fours, and this time we focused on body, body image and desire. I left feeling I have a lot to learn about how I feel about my body!

You can watch the replay below, I’d love to hear if it resonated.

All Fours Chat Part Two replay

Our next live All Fours chat is on Wednesday 11 December at 7.30pm and it’s about rage - festive and otherwise, ho ho ho! I know this will be a good one, this calm yoga teacher has a lot to say on rage.

Where I’m at right now

Before I started this writing I walked in the park after I dropped my son at nursery. I can see the London skyline from this park and a mighty oak from where I sit on a damp bench. I am giving myself a moment to sit and be with the trees. The leaves are on their way out: in this park many of them are orange or brown and soon the branches will be bare. I feel a sense of apprehension when I remember how long it can feel, the length of time when the trees are unadorned, the waiting.

Tears prick behind my eyes and I know it’s not really because of the trees or the leaves. It’s the symbolism, what the loss stands for, in the way we feel one loss as another. I am fascinated by the way humans feel pain that is actually transmuted, unprocessed pain from other sources. When a public figure dies, someone we don’t know, we might really be grieving the people we’ve lost or people we will lose. Or even more abstractly, grieving the fact of loss, that all things must pass.

I saw Noor Hindi’s poem online this morning, Fuck Your Lecture on Craft, My People Are Dying: