Love, love, LOVED this chat ladies! 👍🥰 I've got so much to say, I could write a whole piece on it (maybe I should) 😉 It just resinated SO much for me (and I'm sure many others too).
Caro, I absolutely whole-heartedly agree with you about how it is OK to let your children see you express your anger and be human! As long as you are there afterwards to apologise and express more calmly what is making you shout, which it absolutely sounds like you are doing 👍
I think it is SO important for our children to see us making "mistakes" and not being "perfect" all the time... we need to model the importance of being ourselves and that EVERYONE has difficult emotions and it DOESN'T make you a bad person to have/express them. We can also use these opportunities to show/discuss how we can manage these emotions in a healthier way.
Also, if we receive our children's "negative" emotions in a supportive, compassionate way (as much as we can - it's also OK if we can't always do that)... then they will learn how to better receive those types of emotions from others... win win! 😊
I also loved how you said we don't have to know/solve WHY our children are angry/sad, etc... we can just be there for them to safely acknowledge out loud that they are. 🧡 Far healthier than bottling it up. Which brings me nicely to my next point...
Layla, I loved that you mentioned how we hold our emotions in our body and the harm that can do if we do that too much. You also mentioned Chinese medicine, which is interesting as I had personal experience of this when I went to a Chinese doctor (may years ago) about my psoriasis. She asked me about my emotions and it turns out that years of suppressing my anger/sadness/trauma will have caused a negative energy/heat in my body that can trigger/cause diseases such as these. She also mentioned that this could also have contributed to growth of the lung tumour that I had removed at just 34 years old. And I'm convinced it has also contributed to the autoimmune condition I now have too.
You also mentioned about how children will hold in their big emotions until they feel safe to express them (such as when they arrive home from school), which is why it is so important that we provide that safe environment and offer patience and understanding as much as we can. It gets me thinking though, what if some children never feel they have a safe place to express them? Very sad thought 😕
I think it was Chloe who said something about anger manifesting as tears, because if we get angry it's "ugly", not acceptable, too much, etc... I hate how we've been conditioned (especially as women) this way and that we need to be small, no bother, quiet, sweet and the "good girl"... Grrrrr! The damage that attitude has done to me personally, I'm only now coming to fully understand... at the age of 45! 😤
Finally, Lindsay (I think it was you)... when you talked about everyone maybe needing to get better at receiving anger, that we perhaps need to call people out more (like the guys in the sauna)... it's so hard though, like you said, to get the right balance. I think it's ok to have boundaries and keep yourself safe, as you never know how people might react... which is sad to say, but unfortunately true. I love how you said we can perhaps make a difference in a different way later on to balance things. 🥰
Overall, I think it's a really hard balancing act to get right. We need to be able to express our emotions, but also we do all have a duty to not expose/impose our extreme reactions to/on the general public and people have a right to feel safe as they go about in the world. We also have a duty to teach our children about acceptable behaviour in society, but also help them to feel supported to feel and express ALL of their emotions. A very tricky balancing act indeed, but one that I think we MUST keep on talking about. One that I think is hugely helped by being sure to separate the emotion from the person and the behaviour from the emotion, as I think Caro mentioned towards the end of the chat. 👍🧡
Anyway, that's enough from me... thank you to anyone who has read this to the end 🙏 I am hugely passionate about emotional wellbeing and find it hard to stop once I get going! 😳🤣
What reflections, Eva! Thank you so much and in future I task you with the show notes plus apposite commentary on every vid conversation we share! Wishing you a restful holiday season 😘
Task accepted!! 👍🤣 Too keen? 😉 Also not sure if you're joking or not, but would be seriously honoured to collaborate with you lovely ladies in any way 🥰
Eva, LOVE that you’ve responded so wholeheartedly to this conversation, and the reflecting back has been so helpful as well, remembering what we spoke about, how the threads weave together. Keep these thoughts flowing - this is what these lives are all about, getting us thinking, sharing talking about what we are experiencing and how we are feeling. ..
thank you for being part of it Lauren, here's to a peaceful break for you and your family x
Loved this, and love the idea of these conversations continuing. Wishing you all gentle weeks ahead over the festive season. Xxxx
And the very same for you and yours, Lauren xx
thank you for joining us Lauren, and wishing you the same lovely x
Love, love, LOVED this chat ladies! 👍🥰 I've got so much to say, I could write a whole piece on it (maybe I should) 😉 It just resinated SO much for me (and I'm sure many others too).
Caro, I absolutely whole-heartedly agree with you about how it is OK to let your children see you express your anger and be human! As long as you are there afterwards to apologise and express more calmly what is making you shout, which it absolutely sounds like you are doing 👍
I think it is SO important for our children to see us making "mistakes" and not being "perfect" all the time... we need to model the importance of being ourselves and that EVERYONE has difficult emotions and it DOESN'T make you a bad person to have/express them. We can also use these opportunities to show/discuss how we can manage these emotions in a healthier way.
Also, if we receive our children's "negative" emotions in a supportive, compassionate way (as much as we can - it's also OK if we can't always do that)... then they will learn how to better receive those types of emotions from others... win win! 😊
I also loved how you said we don't have to know/solve WHY our children are angry/sad, etc... we can just be there for them to safely acknowledge out loud that they are. 🧡 Far healthier than bottling it up. Which brings me nicely to my next point...
Layla, I loved that you mentioned how we hold our emotions in our body and the harm that can do if we do that too much. You also mentioned Chinese medicine, which is interesting as I had personal experience of this when I went to a Chinese doctor (may years ago) about my psoriasis. She asked me about my emotions and it turns out that years of suppressing my anger/sadness/trauma will have caused a negative energy/heat in my body that can trigger/cause diseases such as these. She also mentioned that this could also have contributed to growth of the lung tumour that I had removed at just 34 years old. And I'm convinced it has also contributed to the autoimmune condition I now have too.
You also mentioned about how children will hold in their big emotions until they feel safe to express them (such as when they arrive home from school), which is why it is so important that we provide that safe environment and offer patience and understanding as much as we can. It gets me thinking though, what if some children never feel they have a safe place to express them? Very sad thought 😕
I think it was Chloe who said something about anger manifesting as tears, because if we get angry it's "ugly", not acceptable, too much, etc... I hate how we've been conditioned (especially as women) this way and that we need to be small, no bother, quiet, sweet and the "good girl"... Grrrrr! The damage that attitude has done to me personally, I'm only now coming to fully understand... at the age of 45! 😤
Finally, Lindsay (I think it was you)... when you talked about everyone maybe needing to get better at receiving anger, that we perhaps need to call people out more (like the guys in the sauna)... it's so hard though, like you said, to get the right balance. I think it's ok to have boundaries and keep yourself safe, as you never know how people might react... which is sad to say, but unfortunately true. I love how you said we can perhaps make a difference in a different way later on to balance things. 🥰
Overall, I think it's a really hard balancing act to get right. We need to be able to express our emotions, but also we do all have a duty to not expose/impose our extreme reactions to/on the general public and people have a right to feel safe as they go about in the world. We also have a duty to teach our children about acceptable behaviour in society, but also help them to feel supported to feel and express ALL of their emotions. A very tricky balancing act indeed, but one that I think we MUST keep on talking about. One that I think is hugely helped by being sure to separate the emotion from the person and the behaviour from the emotion, as I think Caro mentioned towards the end of the chat. 👍🧡
Anyway, that's enough from me... thank you to anyone who has read this to the end 🙏 I am hugely passionate about emotional wellbeing and find it hard to stop once I get going! 😳🤣
What reflections, Eva! Thank you so much and in future I task you with the show notes plus apposite commentary on every vid conversation we share! Wishing you a restful holiday season 😘
Task accepted!! 👍🤣 Too keen? 😉 Also not sure if you're joking or not, but would be seriously honoured to collaborate with you lovely ladies in any way 🥰
Eva, LOVE that you’ve responded so wholeheartedly to this conversation, and the reflecting back has been so helpful as well, remembering what we spoke about, how the threads weave together. Keep these thoughts flowing - this is what these lives are all about, getting us thinking, sharing talking about what we are experiencing and how we are feeling. ..
Thank you Layla 🙏🥰