Oh god I love this. Every word, Chloe. Strange to wake up to this piece the morning after I’d seen someone close to me who’d had Botox for the first time. Looking at her different face (not just smoother in places but subtle changes in eye shape etc, which made her look less familiar and known) made me feel a sort of deflated sadness and, if I’m honest, disappointment. Like you I know many people who are doing it, and only one of those people is a man... Of course I do have very mixed feelings about my ageing face, which feel very similar to the feelings I used to have about my spots, or the shape of my nose, or the colour of my teeth when I was younger - always things that weren’t quite right enough about me. But more and more I can’t be bothered with those feelings. And witnessing both my very young-for-their-ages, beautiful parents die of an incurable disease has left me with the ambition to be old, really old, for my kids mainly, and if I look old because I am old, I want to celebrate that! Thank you for writing this.
thanks so much Sasha, for this comment and your very kind words. That's fascinating about seeing your friend and finding the unfamiliar in them. in the book I'm reading at the moment the main character's wife is having lots of work done and he feels a deep sadness about it. I've been wondering about all the men in Hollywood and wondering what work they have done! I've been watching Harrison Ford in Shrinking and he looks reassuringly old and craggy at 82 (but still with such presence and charisma, because he's Harrison Ford!) So understandable that your experience losing both your lovely parents gives perspective here. Not immunity from the allure of anti-ageing but "the ambition to be old" - I love this. Me too! xx
This is so good from start to finish. I'm 50 in a few weeks and the thing I notice most about my face is how tension and anxiety shows. A tighter jaw, furrowed brown. Age has highlighted this. I catch myself trying to soften my face to make it look younger. But we are lucky to be here aren't we. May we age.
Ahhh I feel a lot of this so much Chloe. I actually had a Gua Sha Facial a few weeks ago and it was the best treatment I think I’ve ever had. I came out feeling so nourished and softened… and my face did look a lot more radiant and not so much younger but softer in the tension I have realise I hold in it! I would love to have more time to regularly have these treatments but the reality is that it’s just not affordable in either time or money!!! BUT I have noticed since having my second that i regularly catch a sight of myself in the mirror and am shocked at how I seem to have aged ten years in the two since my littlest have born… and I will be honest and say I don’t like it. More because I feel like I don’t look as vibrant as I used to, my makeup has had to change as the products I used to wear don’t sit right on my ageing skin. But also I don’t care enough to do a lot about it other than moisturise and try and remember to take my makeup off at night!!! Oh and my boobs… well they used to be 32F!!! And now I can’t even bring myself to get measured because they have all but disappeared! Despite all this I weirdly feel the most confident about my body as ever and I’m not sure if that’s because I just don’t value aesthetics as much or if I have just become kinder and more accepting. I have so many friends doing all sorts of enhancements and it just doesn’t appeal to me. Talking to a beautician friend the other day though shocked me as she said that so many girls in their early twenties are getting all of these treatments and it’s changing their face totally. I feel quite sad that our world is encouraging this. So many threads on this conversation, thank you for bringing it here. Xxx
thanks so much for this thoughtful response Lauren. yes, the turbo ageing in the years after having children is insane. I couldn't believe it, but then the sleep deprivation and lack of capacity to meet one's basic needs probably explains it ... but it's hard to like, isn't it. love that you feel more confident about your body. I think I also care less, though some things I definitely try and hide.
it makes me really sad that people in their 20s and 30s are going for these treatments. I've seen 18 year olds with lip and cheek work, the first time I saw that I found it staggering.
great intel on the gua sha facial, I might ask for one for my birthday! xx
Thank you Chloe. Such true words! Made me laugh and also cross that we've devalued the elder. I'm 50 and I'm trying to be ok with looking 50! I'm letting the grey come in... in a certain light my son says it looks magical. He also says I look really old so... and yes, as I age I've noticed how much of me was actually a projection. A trying to please the male gaze, the other...which I wasn't really aware that I was so programmed into. If I want to feel attractive now I ask myself why? Who for? Because if it's so some random person can tell me I look good then that's not valuing myself at all! If it's because I feel good in my skin, more me, more settled inside, then great. I'm for anything that makes you feel good about you, for you. Whatever that is. Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror mid smile I see all the wrinkles, but in another's smile I see their heart.
Love this writing Chloe! I feel like ageing has creeped up on me without me noticing. All of a sudden my red hair is now infused with plenty of white (yes, white, not even grey) hair strands and wrinkles around my eyes appearing. I seriously didnt notice before. And around me all of my friends and family are doing all these beauty routines and I have no idea what they are talking about. All I have been doing is yoga, which of course is also good, or maybe even better. But anyhow, thank you for sharing this.
thank you Jenny. me too, my friends mention something and I have to google what it is! maybe some of this cluelessness might make us happier, though (and along with the yoga too!) xx
Oh Chloe, I so loved reading this tonight. I started a new job last month and all the other women have lovely makeup and styled hair and I find myself thinking often that I should make more effort, take more pride, spend more money on potions and cosmetics, be a proper grown-up... but then I think I'd rather have ten more minutes in bed and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that it's refreshing for these lovely yet highly-preened women to see someone like me who is brave / confident / lazy enough (not sure which I am, probably lazy) to just not bother with that stuff?!! I do lament the changes though: my challenged pelvic floor jumping over a groyne on the beach, the bingo wings, the hair getting more grey. The trashed boobies, oh the trashed, saggy, tiny boobies! But I also realise that the most beautiful women (people, generally) are the ones whose eyes sparkle, even if they're wrinkly round the edges. You're so right - how lucky we are to be around long enough to see the tits sag, the skin crease... Lots of love to you xxx
love love all of this Catherine. here’s to the lazy/brave/not grown up elements of us. I wouldn’t want you to be any other way, I think that’s an important part of it - how people who treasure us, see us. thank you xxx
Yes! I want to age! I am grateful for the opportunity that not everyone is lucky enough to have. I want to celebrate midlife and old-age. I want elder women to be held in the reverence they (we) deserve for the wisdom they (we) hold. I don't want needles and surgery and to look like an eternal 30 year old.... I just wish we could all be in it together because I would rather not look completely haggard compared to everyone else!
I wish we could be all in it together too Aoibhín! perhaps we could see refusing the allure of "enhancements" as resistance. "I want elder women to be held in the reverence they (we) deserve for the wisdom they (we) hold." - amazing x
I love this article Chloe, so many of these thoughts have gone through my head over the past couple of years, but you express it so well. (I’m 44 and really, very wrinkly). If I find out my friends have had Botox, I will definitely feel betrayed! Completely with you on that.
What I find both sad and frustrating, is that my body has worked SO hard, all the decades of cooking and making and working and cleaning and a million tasks, as well as growing and raising 4 children, - and it absolutely looks worse for wear (and my hands look like those of someone much older,) All that experience and knowledge I’ve gained and important and insignificant things I’ve done I feel have no real value as far as society is concerned, because superficially, I look much ‘worse’, and of course that is what is valued most highly. ( and we have no choice obviously!) I also feel incredibly lucky to have reached this age and am trying to accept that aging is the price we pay for life lived, and I’m up for that! An important topic to draw attention to. 💕
this is a brilliant point Daisy - that the very thing society needs us for (free caring) shows on our faces and bodies and we're then judged on that. it's maddening ... but I feel comforted by the reminder of how many women are out there feeling similar things, that there's power in the truth you've recognised xx
Oh yes!!! Such a good point! Now I’m even crosser! 🤣 But absolutely, there is such power in recognition, understanding and solidarity. Really important that we can share our stories, there is strength in their combinations I think. A great topic and lots more to explore and say. xx
This is so powerful. Every part of it. I always looked young for my age, in my mid 40s people thought I was in late thirties and so I kind of didn't do anything much for my face- forgot to put on sunscreen while living in very sunny places etc. But the stress of the life in the last 4 years took a huge toll. I recently turned 51 and split from a difficult relationship that lasted 4 years. My ex, who is 56 is already happy with a new partner and he bragging to friend that more than 100 of women wanted to sleep with him but most looked like his mother, that many had done stuff to their faces, except for this one that he chose, who is not looking old for her age. How lucky for him (and how said for her to be with someone that vain). And a few days later, after hearing this BS, I went to a 50th birthday party of a friend of a friend, and there were many lovely women, both single and in relationships, all looking radiant in their late 40s and early 50s and we danced the night away and the men in the group actually didn't look as healthy and radiant. And I thought, what a load of bull my ex is spreading.
Now, on not spending time and money for beauty interventions- if you are smart and busy and your job is not in Hollywood where your looks determine you value, then really why would you waste money or time on this stuff. I occasionally go for a facial because I love the pampering, but I doubt it makes any difference in my looks. I do it as a way to treat myself, like a go for a massage. I try my best not to don't judge women who do stuff to their faces, bodies, and there are moments insecurity where I think I should have an eye lid tuck but then read about the risks of complication and the cost and think, ah, this could pay for several beach holidays, and a tone of books... As one of the comments say, may we live and may we live long and my I be fit (so I think I'll go do some work in the gym to prevent osteoporosis, so I can get out of my beach chaise longue when I am in my eighties. Who gives a shit if I am wrinkly and my legs are full of cellulite if I can enjoy life. (ok, not rereading this to ensure it is not rambling, cause also, I am done worrying about that too- I leave that to my ex).
wow good riddance to that ex! I love that these women looked radiant on the dance floor, what a lovely image. I think reading about all these wellness trends can make us think we should do them, but they are all such a faff and so expensive that it doesn't feel worth bothering! x
When I was young I wanted fake breasts (I was an A cup) but now I’m so glad I don’t have to explain to my daughters how I cut myself open to be an object. My Aunt got a face lift and she just looked so different that it was heartbreaking. I honestly preferred her before. My friend got Botox and it looked better for awhile but you have to keep getting it. I don’t know I think I’d rather just be old. We had another baby at age 42 and 50 and I definitely fear being called his grandma but hey you know some grandmas are my age so what can you do.
You look GLORIOUS Chloe; fun, fabulous, warm, magnetic. Not that it matters what I, a mere stranger, thinks but I hope you can see all of that when you look in the mirror.
I needed this! Thank you! And you look beautiful with all that art on your face. ❤️ I’m in my 40s and the first draft(lines) is starting to get deeper. I promised myself I will never do anything to my face. I want to see the process of getting old. I want to see the final draft! Thank you again! Lots of love!
Yoga class at 8:30. Presently brunching with Hubbie. Later I will get a hair make-over at my favorite stylist downtown. Tonight will be mezzes and champagne at home. with 6 of our best friends. Life is great. Health makes it better. Thank you for your post!
wow what a beautiful comment Maura, happy birthday! 70th birthday goals right there. I hope you had a wonderful time. thank you for reminding me how beautiful life is.
Oh god I love this. Every word, Chloe. Strange to wake up to this piece the morning after I’d seen someone close to me who’d had Botox for the first time. Looking at her different face (not just smoother in places but subtle changes in eye shape etc, which made her look less familiar and known) made me feel a sort of deflated sadness and, if I’m honest, disappointment. Like you I know many people who are doing it, and only one of those people is a man... Of course I do have very mixed feelings about my ageing face, which feel very similar to the feelings I used to have about my spots, or the shape of my nose, or the colour of my teeth when I was younger - always things that weren’t quite right enough about me. But more and more I can’t be bothered with those feelings. And witnessing both my very young-for-their-ages, beautiful parents die of an incurable disease has left me with the ambition to be old, really old, for my kids mainly, and if I look old because I am old, I want to celebrate that! Thank you for writing this.
thanks so much Sasha, for this comment and your very kind words. That's fascinating about seeing your friend and finding the unfamiliar in them. in the book I'm reading at the moment the main character's wife is having lots of work done and he feels a deep sadness about it. I've been wondering about all the men in Hollywood and wondering what work they have done! I've been watching Harrison Ford in Shrinking and he looks reassuringly old and craggy at 82 (but still with such presence and charisma, because he's Harrison Ford!) So understandable that your experience losing both your lovely parents gives perspective here. Not immunity from the allure of anti-ageing but "the ambition to be old" - I love this. Me too! xx
This is so good from start to finish. I'm 50 in a few weeks and the thing I notice most about my face is how tension and anxiety shows. A tighter jaw, furrowed brown. Age has highlighted this. I catch myself trying to soften my face to make it look younger. But we are lucky to be here aren't we. May we age.
May we age, Claire. I love this. Away to get a cuppa then popping back to share my thoughts as well.
hear, hear! may we age. thank you Claire xx
Ahhh I feel a lot of this so much Chloe. I actually had a Gua Sha Facial a few weeks ago and it was the best treatment I think I’ve ever had. I came out feeling so nourished and softened… and my face did look a lot more radiant and not so much younger but softer in the tension I have realise I hold in it! I would love to have more time to regularly have these treatments but the reality is that it’s just not affordable in either time or money!!! BUT I have noticed since having my second that i regularly catch a sight of myself in the mirror and am shocked at how I seem to have aged ten years in the two since my littlest have born… and I will be honest and say I don’t like it. More because I feel like I don’t look as vibrant as I used to, my makeup has had to change as the products I used to wear don’t sit right on my ageing skin. But also I don’t care enough to do a lot about it other than moisturise and try and remember to take my makeup off at night!!! Oh and my boobs… well they used to be 32F!!! And now I can’t even bring myself to get measured because they have all but disappeared! Despite all this I weirdly feel the most confident about my body as ever and I’m not sure if that’s because I just don’t value aesthetics as much or if I have just become kinder and more accepting. I have so many friends doing all sorts of enhancements and it just doesn’t appeal to me. Talking to a beautician friend the other day though shocked me as she said that so many girls in their early twenties are getting all of these treatments and it’s changing their face totally. I feel quite sad that our world is encouraging this. So many threads on this conversation, thank you for bringing it here. Xxx
thanks so much for this thoughtful response Lauren. yes, the turbo ageing in the years after having children is insane. I couldn't believe it, but then the sleep deprivation and lack of capacity to meet one's basic needs probably explains it ... but it's hard to like, isn't it. love that you feel more confident about your body. I think I also care less, though some things I definitely try and hide.
it makes me really sad that people in their 20s and 30s are going for these treatments. I've seen 18 year olds with lip and cheek work, the first time I saw that I found it staggering.
great intel on the gua sha facial, I might ask for one for my birthday! xx
ps RIP to our boobs :-(
Thank you Chloe. Such true words! Made me laugh and also cross that we've devalued the elder. I'm 50 and I'm trying to be ok with looking 50! I'm letting the grey come in... in a certain light my son says it looks magical. He also says I look really old so... and yes, as I age I've noticed how much of me was actually a projection. A trying to please the male gaze, the other...which I wasn't really aware that I was so programmed into. If I want to feel attractive now I ask myself why? Who for? Because if it's so some random person can tell me I look good then that's not valuing myself at all! If it's because I feel good in my skin, more me, more settled inside, then great. I'm for anything that makes you feel good about you, for you. Whatever that is. Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror mid smile I see all the wrinkles, but in another's smile I see their heart.
Yes Dee! all of this. devaluing the elder is absolutely it. and the projection of who we felt we should be. here's to truly seeing xx
Love this writing Chloe! I feel like ageing has creeped up on me without me noticing. All of a sudden my red hair is now infused with plenty of white (yes, white, not even grey) hair strands and wrinkles around my eyes appearing. I seriously didnt notice before. And around me all of my friends and family are doing all these beauty routines and I have no idea what they are talking about. All I have been doing is yoga, which of course is also good, or maybe even better. But anyhow, thank you for sharing this.
thank you Jenny. me too, my friends mention something and I have to google what it is! maybe some of this cluelessness might make us happier, though (and along with the yoga too!) xx
Oh Chloe, I so loved reading this tonight. I started a new job last month and all the other women have lovely makeup and styled hair and I find myself thinking often that I should make more effort, take more pride, spend more money on potions and cosmetics, be a proper grown-up... but then I think I'd rather have ten more minutes in bed and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that it's refreshing for these lovely yet highly-preened women to see someone like me who is brave / confident / lazy enough (not sure which I am, probably lazy) to just not bother with that stuff?!! I do lament the changes though: my challenged pelvic floor jumping over a groyne on the beach, the bingo wings, the hair getting more grey. The trashed boobies, oh the trashed, saggy, tiny boobies! But I also realise that the most beautiful women (people, generally) are the ones whose eyes sparkle, even if they're wrinkly round the edges. You're so right - how lucky we are to be around long enough to see the tits sag, the skin crease... Lots of love to you xxx
love love all of this Catherine. here’s to the lazy/brave/not grown up elements of us. I wouldn’t want you to be any other way, I think that’s an important part of it - how people who treasure us, see us. thank you xxx
I’m always heartened when I see someone who hasn’t succumbed to the temptation and seems comfortable with their natural face! I’m drawn to them 😁.
Yes! I want to age! I am grateful for the opportunity that not everyone is lucky enough to have. I want to celebrate midlife and old-age. I want elder women to be held in the reverence they (we) deserve for the wisdom they (we) hold. I don't want needles and surgery and to look like an eternal 30 year old.... I just wish we could all be in it together because I would rather not look completely haggard compared to everyone else!
I wish we could be all in it together too Aoibhín! perhaps we could see refusing the allure of "enhancements" as resistance. "I want elder women to be held in the reverence they (we) deserve for the wisdom they (we) hold." - amazing x
I love this article Chloe, so many of these thoughts have gone through my head over the past couple of years, but you express it so well. (I’m 44 and really, very wrinkly). If I find out my friends have had Botox, I will definitely feel betrayed! Completely with you on that.
What I find both sad and frustrating, is that my body has worked SO hard, all the decades of cooking and making and working and cleaning and a million tasks, as well as growing and raising 4 children, - and it absolutely looks worse for wear (and my hands look like those of someone much older,) All that experience and knowledge I’ve gained and important and insignificant things I’ve done I feel have no real value as far as society is concerned, because superficially, I look much ‘worse’, and of course that is what is valued most highly. ( and we have no choice obviously!) I also feel incredibly lucky to have reached this age and am trying to accept that aging is the price we pay for life lived, and I’m up for that! An important topic to draw attention to. 💕
this is a brilliant point Daisy - that the very thing society needs us for (free caring) shows on our faces and bodies and we're then judged on that. it's maddening ... but I feel comforted by the reminder of how many women are out there feeling similar things, that there's power in the truth you've recognised xx
Oh yes!!! Such a good point! Now I’m even crosser! 🤣 But absolutely, there is such power in recognition, understanding and solidarity. Really important that we can share our stories, there is strength in their combinations I think. A great topic and lots more to explore and say. xx
This is so powerful. Every part of it. I always looked young for my age, in my mid 40s people thought I was in late thirties and so I kind of didn't do anything much for my face- forgot to put on sunscreen while living in very sunny places etc. But the stress of the life in the last 4 years took a huge toll. I recently turned 51 and split from a difficult relationship that lasted 4 years. My ex, who is 56 is already happy with a new partner and he bragging to friend that more than 100 of women wanted to sleep with him but most looked like his mother, that many had done stuff to their faces, except for this one that he chose, who is not looking old for her age. How lucky for him (and how said for her to be with someone that vain). And a few days later, after hearing this BS, I went to a 50th birthday party of a friend of a friend, and there were many lovely women, both single and in relationships, all looking radiant in their late 40s and early 50s and we danced the night away and the men in the group actually didn't look as healthy and radiant. And I thought, what a load of bull my ex is spreading.
Now, on not spending time and money for beauty interventions- if you are smart and busy and your job is not in Hollywood where your looks determine you value, then really why would you waste money or time on this stuff. I occasionally go for a facial because I love the pampering, but I doubt it makes any difference in my looks. I do it as a way to treat myself, like a go for a massage. I try my best not to don't judge women who do stuff to their faces, bodies, and there are moments insecurity where I think I should have an eye lid tuck but then read about the risks of complication and the cost and think, ah, this could pay for several beach holidays, and a tone of books... As one of the comments say, may we live and may we live long and my I be fit (so I think I'll go do some work in the gym to prevent osteoporosis, so I can get out of my beach chaise longue when I am in my eighties. Who gives a shit if I am wrinkly and my legs are full of cellulite if I can enjoy life. (ok, not rereading this to ensure it is not rambling, cause also, I am done worrying about that too- I leave that to my ex).
wow good riddance to that ex! I love that these women looked radiant on the dance floor, what a lovely image. I think reading about all these wellness trends can make us think we should do them, but they are all such a faff and so expensive that it doesn't feel worth bothering! x
When I was young I wanted fake breasts (I was an A cup) but now I’m so glad I don’t have to explain to my daughters how I cut myself open to be an object. My Aunt got a face lift and she just looked so different that it was heartbreaking. I honestly preferred her before. My friend got Botox and it looked better for awhile but you have to keep getting it. I don’t know I think I’d rather just be old. We had another baby at age 42 and 50 and I definitely fear being called his grandma but hey you know some grandmas are my age so what can you do.
What a beautiful piece. Thanks for reminding us of the privilege of aging
You look GLORIOUS Chloe; fun, fabulous, warm, magnetic. Not that it matters what I, a mere stranger, thinks but I hope you can see all of that when you look in the mirror.
what a gorgeous comment Sally. those are 4 wonderful descriptors coming from a stranger or otherwise, and I will carry them with me, thank you.
I needed this! Thank you! And you look beautiful with all that art on your face. ❤️ I’m in my 40s and the first draft(lines) is starting to get deeper. I promised myself I will never do anything to my face. I want to see the process of getting old. I want to see the final draft! Thank you again! Lots of love!
final draft, oh I love that, thank you Anastasia!
…turning 70 today, cont:
Yoga class at 8:30. Presently brunching with Hubbie. Later I will get a hair make-over at my favorite stylist downtown. Tonight will be mezzes and champagne at home. with 6 of our best friends. Life is great. Health makes it better. Thank you for your post!
wow what a beautiful comment Maura, happy birthday! 70th birthday goals right there. I hope you had a wonderful time. thank you for reminding me how beautiful life is.
Today is my 70th birthday. Started it with an explosive
I love everybody about this
thank you so much!