"It’s the freedom from that my body desires - in this case from the anxious mind-body. And it’s the freedom to that anxiety can cancel out - joy, presence and awareness via pure experience, whether it’s running, dancing, having sex, swimming outside, resting, eating something amazing or going in the sauna." Ok. I need to start with this, Chloe. So powerful and putting words to something that I have come to understand about myself in recent years now my experience of my body is no longer dominated by the health anxiety and hyper vigilance that we have shared on before.
I, too, read Berger as a young woman and Ways of Seeing gave voice to something that I'd long internalised about the female experience. As a teenager, I'd go out walking, imagining being watched or followed. Not in a creepy way but in a way that made me feel desired. Now, in my 40s I find I still think like this as I move through the world. Will it end? How do I feel about freedom from the male gaze? Those days are likely here already or are in the post, but I have to be honest and say I resist it. That says something about my conditioning under patriarchy, surely?
Anyway, such a powerful piece and I want others to wade in...
Thanks so much Lindsay, for commenting here and cheerleading me! I really appreciate you as someone who has been through something similar, who gets it. And I really hear you on the male gaze thing. I remember that sense of power, of it feeling exhilarating sometimes. Maybe because as women there are so few places to feel power. As I get older I feel like at best I might be vaguely ok to look at for some dad on the school run but that's about it!!! As this power wanes I partly feel some relief and freedom and also some grief and panic ... it's a complex one for sure.
This resonates so deeply with me, particularly because of my own health anxiety. So much to reflect on, thank you xx
thanks so much for commenting, Lauren. Shoulder to shoulder with you on the health anxiety. always happy to talk further about it all xx
"It’s the freedom from that my body desires - in this case from the anxious mind-body. And it’s the freedom to that anxiety can cancel out - joy, presence and awareness via pure experience, whether it’s running, dancing, having sex, swimming outside, resting, eating something amazing or going in the sauna." Ok. I need to start with this, Chloe. So powerful and putting words to something that I have come to understand about myself in recent years now my experience of my body is no longer dominated by the health anxiety and hyper vigilance that we have shared on before.
I, too, read Berger as a young woman and Ways of Seeing gave voice to something that I'd long internalised about the female experience. As a teenager, I'd go out walking, imagining being watched or followed. Not in a creepy way but in a way that made me feel desired. Now, in my 40s I find I still think like this as I move through the world. Will it end? How do I feel about freedom from the male gaze? Those days are likely here already or are in the post, but I have to be honest and say I resist it. That says something about my conditioning under patriarchy, surely?
Anyway, such a powerful piece and I want others to wade in...
Thanks so much Lindsay, for commenting here and cheerleading me! I really appreciate you as someone who has been through something similar, who gets it. And I really hear you on the male gaze thing. I remember that sense of power, of it feeling exhilarating sometimes. Maybe because as women there are so few places to feel power. As I get older I feel like at best I might be vaguely ok to look at for some dad on the school run but that's about it!!! As this power wanes I partly feel some relief and freedom and also some grief and panic ... it's a complex one for sure.
I have so much I want to say about this piece, Chloe. I'm going to come back and re-read after work and then respond properly xx
aw thank you so much, friend. I look forward to hearing your thoughts! x