Found this such a brilliantly-timed read, Chloe, following on from sitting in the dark yesterday morning and working through your Samhain session on the Celtic Wheel. I wasn't able to hear my body properly for so long, but that's changed now thanks to all kinds of factors. It's vital that we find a way to sit with even the most uncomfortable feelings / sensations / thoughts and register the connection between body and mind. I love that you're looking at tolerance soon, too. Sometimes we have to push outselves, don't we?
it's a real process isn't it, I find there is a lot of trial and error involved. but the more we practice, the more we get familiar with the signals and come to know ourselves in a more profound way. I wish the pushing ourselves part wasn't necessary but it feels like it is!!
To pause and really listen. That not every answer will be instant and that sometimes the body wants us to feel into possibilities, to push our boundaries and other times to notice when it needs rest or joy or tacos.
So interesting Chloe. I love the question ‘what does listening to our body actually mean?’ I had a profound experience in and around my hysterectomy- ‘listening’ to my body I thought at first would lead me to heal and expel the debilitating fibroids I had… I tried everything and I see now I was really overriding by body messages. Eventually when I began to really listen I began to hear it was ok to let my womb go. Something surgical, unpleasant but actually a massive rebirth for me. Sometimes the ‘listening’ message of the wellness industry can imply a preordained conclusion…
I love this Layla, especially your last line which hits the nail on the head. It feels very important to bring curiosity to what our bodies might be saying, as so often we think we hear it but instead it's something we've internalised from the world around us, and it isn't always the right path for us ...
I loved this Chloe, so resonant in so many ways. For me it is densely layered but I do know that when I was at my ‘peak fitness’ and focussed on ‘wellness’, I was absolutely ignoring every sign my body was desperately sending me (from broken bones to absent period). It took a longgg time spent inward to begin to listen in, to soften and for my body to start talking to me again. Having said that, I can most definitely err on the side of caution in terms of going out (I think especially since my first postpartum experience being within Covid and becoming totally used to being at home/with child all the time). I have just started to venture out a little in the evenings with friends and I agree, they can be so medicinal xx
so interesting Lyndsay - how peak fitness does not equate with "health" sometimes, if we're perceiving it as a holistic concept. softening is so often part of it isn't, I come back to this time and time again - kindness and care. and yes I find that moving outside my window of tolerance, when the time is right in terms of energy and effort, is rewarding and overall makes my life feel more rich, interesting and fun! (the early years with a child can be lots of things but I don't think we always get to have fun on our own terms much of the time!)
exact same health anxiety experience (as we discussed previously!) a speculation which turned out to be nothing but resulted in ongoing fear. this made me think of the therapy speak ‘thoughts aren’t facts’. i’ve definitely retreated far more this time postnatally and i feel so much better for it. i am able to accept the pause and know the flow will return as these years are so short. i still do too much planning and thinking ahead. enjoyed your zoom i did it first thing this morning, my only window of time to myself!
thoughts aren’t facts has been a really important way of dealing with anxiety for me. really glad you’ve been able to retreat more this time and that it’s felt good (me too second time around!) and delighted you got to watch the zoom recording! x
What a great question Esin! For me it was certainly years not months. At least 2. not that it isn’t different after 1 month compared to 3 months, 6 months, 1 year … each stage does feel different, and the trenches of the first 6 weeks are not the same as interacting with a sweet 18 month old. But for me around the 2 year mark I got a bigger sense of space, energy and more recognition of the “old” me. What does it feel like for you?
I have 2 kids, almost 6 and almost 3. I am in the space that saying 5 and 2 doesn't cut it anymore :) it's been almost 3 years since the last birth. I am rebuilding and I feel that most of the foundation is done, and as you said, have more recognition of the "old" me. Yet I am still hopelessly expecting the energy equivalent of an a-ha moment that will transform me into a person who is less tired more peaceful version of myself. I really liked the wording, postnatal years. I was recently saying that, the way that an 18-19 year old would be out of adolescence and they would be an adult, I am out of my matrescence but still not built yet. Thank you for the inspiration.
"I am out of my matrescence but not built yet" - what a beautiful way of putting it. I feel like the energy takes a good while to come back even if you're getting more sleep. like the output of carrying, birthing and caring for babies is so great that you're still recovering beyond the immediate need for sleep. I understand the wanting the transformation/return to happen quickly. you'll get there, step by step.
So many thoughts colliding in my head after reading this, Chloe! But I'll just say this for now, coz I know you'll understand : wild swimming has taught me so, so much about what it means to listen to my body and to trust my body. And it's a knowing that has spilled in every area of my life.
Found this such a brilliantly-timed read, Chloe, following on from sitting in the dark yesterday morning and working through your Samhain session on the Celtic Wheel. I wasn't able to hear my body properly for so long, but that's changed now thanks to all kinds of factors. It's vital that we find a way to sit with even the most uncomfortable feelings / sensations / thoughts and register the connection between body and mind. I love that you're looking at tolerance soon, too. Sometimes we have to push outselves, don't we?
it's a real process isn't it, I find there is a lot of trial and error involved. but the more we practice, the more we get familiar with the signals and come to know ourselves in a more profound way. I wish the pushing ourselves part wasn't necessary but it feels like it is!!
To pause and really listen. That not every answer will be instant and that sometimes the body wants us to feel into possibilities, to push our boundaries and other times to notice when it needs rest or joy or tacos.
love it, thanks Tracy. I think the “pause” part is so important!
So interesting Chloe. I love the question ‘what does listening to our body actually mean?’ I had a profound experience in and around my hysterectomy- ‘listening’ to my body I thought at first would lead me to heal and expel the debilitating fibroids I had… I tried everything and I see now I was really overriding by body messages. Eventually when I began to really listen I began to hear it was ok to let my womb go. Something surgical, unpleasant but actually a massive rebirth for me. Sometimes the ‘listening’ message of the wellness industry can imply a preordained conclusion…
I love this Layla, especially your last line which hits the nail on the head. It feels very important to bring curiosity to what our bodies might be saying, as so often we think we hear it but instead it's something we've internalised from the world around us, and it isn't always the right path for us ...
That’s it exactly Chloe x
I loved this Chloe, so resonant in so many ways. For me it is densely layered but I do know that when I was at my ‘peak fitness’ and focussed on ‘wellness’, I was absolutely ignoring every sign my body was desperately sending me (from broken bones to absent period). It took a longgg time spent inward to begin to listen in, to soften and for my body to start talking to me again. Having said that, I can most definitely err on the side of caution in terms of going out (I think especially since my first postpartum experience being within Covid and becoming totally used to being at home/with child all the time). I have just started to venture out a little in the evenings with friends and I agree, they can be so medicinal xx
so interesting Lyndsay - how peak fitness does not equate with "health" sometimes, if we're perceiving it as a holistic concept. softening is so often part of it isn't, I come back to this time and time again - kindness and care. and yes I find that moving outside my window of tolerance, when the time is right in terms of energy and effort, is rewarding and overall makes my life feel more rich, interesting and fun! (the early years with a child can be lots of things but I don't think we always get to have fun on our own terms much of the time!)
Agreed! Our own fun/play is so important but is difficult to prioritise! xx
exact same health anxiety experience (as we discussed previously!) a speculation which turned out to be nothing but resulted in ongoing fear. this made me think of the therapy speak ‘thoughts aren’t facts’. i’ve definitely retreated far more this time postnatally and i feel so much better for it. i am able to accept the pause and know the flow will return as these years are so short. i still do too much planning and thinking ahead. enjoyed your zoom i did it first thing this morning, my only window of time to myself!
thoughts aren’t facts has been a really important way of dealing with anxiety for me. really glad you’ve been able to retreat more this time and that it’s felt good (me too second time around!) and delighted you got to watch the zoom recording! x
This is empowering, thank you. I was wondering how you define postnatal years. I am asking to understand if I am in them still...
What a great question Esin! For me it was certainly years not months. At least 2. not that it isn’t different after 1 month compared to 3 months, 6 months, 1 year … each stage does feel different, and the trenches of the first 6 weeks are not the same as interacting with a sweet 18 month old. But for me around the 2 year mark I got a bigger sense of space, energy and more recognition of the “old” me. What does it feel like for you?
I have 2 kids, almost 6 and almost 3. I am in the space that saying 5 and 2 doesn't cut it anymore :) it's been almost 3 years since the last birth. I am rebuilding and I feel that most of the foundation is done, and as you said, have more recognition of the "old" me. Yet I am still hopelessly expecting the energy equivalent of an a-ha moment that will transform me into a person who is less tired more peaceful version of myself. I really liked the wording, postnatal years. I was recently saying that, the way that an 18-19 year old would be out of adolescence and they would be an adult, I am out of my matrescence but still not built yet. Thank you for the inspiration.
"I am out of my matrescence but not built yet" - what a beautiful way of putting it. I feel like the energy takes a good while to come back even if you're getting more sleep. like the output of carrying, birthing and caring for babies is so great that you're still recovering beyond the immediate need for sleep. I understand the wanting the transformation/return to happen quickly. you'll get there, step by step.
So many thoughts colliding in my head after reading this, Chloe! But I'll just say this for now, coz I know you'll understand : wild swimming has taught me so, so much about what it means to listen to my body and to trust my body. And it's a knowing that has spilled in every area of my life.
Beautiful. This deeper level of knowing (without getting too caught up in the cognitive stuff) is what I’m interested in!